Damn black river

I'm frustrated, disappointed, and hopeless to the point of tears. I've been looking at places to live and, quite frankly, I hate the options. I want to live in the complex next to work because commuting from anywhere requires an unpleasant journey in a rickety rickshaw along streets choked with traffic, dirt, and exhaust fumes. Or I could walk, as I sometimes do, meaning ditto all the above minus the rickety rickshaw bit. But the complex near work is expensive and the cheapest flats there overlook the black river that runs behind the office building. I cannot bring myself to have a view of a black river (not to mention the smell and noxious gasses). The furnished flats come with run-down, dirty furniture and the unfurnished ones are BARE -- no refrigerator, no nothing -- and you're lucky if ceiling fans and light fixtures are included.

Ever since I got here, I've been revising my expectations down and down and down, only to find that even those are unrealistic. It's so sad. It makes me think that I won't make it in India. It's hard to be happy when you don't like where you live. I know. I've lived in enough places I wasn't happy with. Living with a roommate would save money, so would overlooking the black river or getting a pitifully-furnished place instead of an empty one and buying everything from scratch. But that wasn't my dream. I imagined myself living alone in a cute, comfy flat, living the life of an international urban expat. Only I think those guys make expat salaries. And don't live in Mumbai. And maybe only appear in the movies. Shattered dreams are the saddest of all.

I need a hug.