Sucking it up

I called my field director on Sunday to ask about the possibility of leaving my host family. I was surprised that I feel so fed up, considering how long I´ve survived living there. But I´m done. My host parents are irritating me and I´m chafing at their constant presence. As evidence, I lied to my host mom for the first time today. It was something stupid. I told her I had a lunch date and so wouldn´t be eating at home. I don´t have one and I´ll probably end up eating an empanada from a quicky mart near the institute called, of all things, Big John. I didn´t need to lie, but it was the easiest way to get out of the house with the least amount of conversation. I´m not good at being fake, as you know, so keeping up a cheerful appearance when I want to throw my stuff in my suitcase and roll away wears me out.

However ...

Sigh ...

I decided to stay. It´s only about 5-6 weeks until I head off for my post-semester travels and it´s going to go by fast. Plus, we can´t give them one week´s notice, so I´d still owe them November´s rent. At this point, the $200 isn´t a big deal to me, but it would be such a hassle to move and finding an affordable place close to work wouldn´t be the easiest thing ever. There´s also the fact that they would be hurt if I left, which bothers me. It´s not that I don´t like them, I just want to be an adult again. I want to buy my own food, wash my own laundry, invite friends over, receive solicited advice, and occasionally come home to an empty house.

In a way, I´m glad to be so fed up because it informs my next living decision. As of now, I´m aiming to live in Bogotá, Colombia, next year ... with housemates. That way, I can get the Spanish practice I want with way less of the mothering that I don´t.